Tuppence Times

The Bundle of Horror - A Halloween Rant

It was a dark and gloomy evening when I noticed that my 24 month Verizon bundle had expired. GASP!

What was I to do now? Couldn’t I just leave it be and continue on as I had been? No. That wasn’t an option, friends. Why not? Well, because Verizon no longer offered the bundle that I signed up for two years ago. Horrifying, ain’t it?

Every day across this country these vampire companies suck the lifeblood out of us drop by drop. They walk among us without fear because they know that substantial lobbying of local, state, and federal elected officials has guaranteed them safety.

In the old days, the state (Florida, in my case) had power over how much blood these corporate creatures could suck out of us. They regulated price increases and other charges so that the citizenry was protected against the bloodletting. Those days are gone, friends. Money has greased the palms of those in the halls of power. The citizenry lives in fear now.

In the time of POTS (plain ol’ telephone service), charges were monitored by the Public Service Commission. The phone company had to ask permission to raise rates for any reason on phone service. Ah! But that was then. This is now. Now there is still a POTS, but hardly anyone uses that. We all use “packages” and “bundles” of “special services” provided by the phone (or cable) company.

Here’s something horrifying to think about… those special services are not overseen by the PSC at all. They are considered 100% optional for the customers; meaning the companies can charge whatever the hell they want to for those services, and increase those charges whenever they want for any (or no) reason.

So, my bundle expired. Which means that all my discounts and incentives died along with it. My Internet, which they’ve conspired to get us all dependent on as though it were water or garbage pickup or electricity, is going to cost me a lot more now. Additionally, my phone service, which has a long distance package added, making it an optional service, is also going to cost more.

What’s a victim to do? Why, beg for their lives, of course. I contacted the vampires in their lair today. I spoke with one of the mindless maidens of marketing. Following the script in front of her, she repeated to me the mantra of bundling; repeatedly trying to add the masters’ nasty television service to my bundle.

I got away with my life, but it cost me $11 more a month to maintain a very similar bundle to the one that had expired. Oh, yes… the evil bloodsuckers tossed in a few extras on my phone service that would normally appease the more bovine-like victims. What were my options? Give up my email address that I used everywhere online? Give up the ability to call aunt Myrtle in Arkansas? Those were not options.

So, the vampire masters managed to stay jacked into my vein for the next two years. They can suck my lifeblood on a monthly basis for 24 more satiating months; along with the insurance vampires, the electric company vampires, the city tax collector vampire, etc.

They call us “consumers”, but we’re really the ones being consumed. We should be called “sustainers”; the ones who sustain the greedy vampires in their mahogany paneled board rooms and country clubs. Thanks to my negotiating of the wonderful meal for the master, I’m able to access the Internet and write this little Halloween tale.

Suck THIS, Verizon!